Revelations of An Ex-Hotelier

YAY! Yours Truly has finally resigned from work and is allowed to spill ALL the beans! (I think) Anyway this is gonna be an article-like kinda thing and I bet you it’s gonna be long, but hopefully, worth reading. Since many people kept encouraging me to write it *ehem* I don’t think I’ll ever publish a book but that request doesn’t have to be a kept in view. Because I’ll be fulfilling the request by blogging about it. If you get bored halfway let me know. Wanna know if I’m a a failed blogger lol. Ok lah I cut the craps and let’s get started ūüėÄ

As most of my friends (and the stalkers people on Facebook) know, I have been working at the front desk at a heritage boutique hotel in Penang for five months, while waiting to enrol in college. Many people questioned my decision. One of the FAQs I get is, “Ivy, but you’re staying in mainland! Why would you work in the island which you have to travel back and forth everyday for work?” or “Is the pay good? That’s why you work there?”

Answer is, yes, I admit, it’s tiring, VERY tiring indeed to travel back and forth on the Penang Bridge everyday. Not to mention how much I HATE, no, I LOATHE the traffic I have to go through everyday. It made my blood boil at the boiling point of gold (exaggerating wtf anyway more on this later). And, NO, the pay isn’t good,¬†honestly speaking.¬†In fact, it was only a three-figure sum. Not to mention that I have to fork out a few hundred every month from my salary to pay for my petrol and toll fee to cross the bridge everyday. That left me with only a small sum of money to spend, and I HAD to be the typical auntie (or uncle if you prefer) who had to budget my expenses every month. If there’s something I want, I save. It’s like back to schooling years all over again. Except that, those are my hard-earned (ok lah maybe not THAT hard lah) money and not from my mum. I think I saved even more now than my schooling years wtf.

I questioned my decision too when I first got fired with those questions. I often ask myself, “Is it all worth it?” And the answer was, YES. To this very day even after I resigned, the answer’s YES. And I’m about to reveal WHY.

DISCLAIMER: ALL names are changed to protect privacy of the innocent (and the guilty… oops!) involved. And of course, I am not going to reveal the name of my hotel. For those who have already known, well, keep that to yourselves will ya? ūüėČ Also, all comments/¬†opinions below represent MY OWN PERSONAL VIEWS ONLY, so no offence to anyone alright. And, YES all the stories are TRUE, I didn’t make them up all right. However,¬†they just serve as entertainment purpose.¬†And I shall apologize beforehand should I happen to offend anyone.

#How I Got My Job

Let’s start all from the beginning. So, how did I get a job so faraway from my house? Much thanks to The Star Classifieds. Honestly, the ad was soooo ¬†hardly noticeable. Just a small smalllllll column at the corner that says, “Receptionist wanted. Willing to work at night. Call *********” (no my memory’s not that good, it was something like that lah). I was desperately looking for a job last year, and every single person I rang up told me they wanted someone permanent. It was so so frustrating. So imagine how desperate I was, I just rang up although there wasn’t even the name of the hotel there. My mum was super paranoid, saying, “Hey what if it’s some sleazy hotel? So dangerous!” But I was over the moon I couldn’t be bothered. The person in charge told me she’s just fine with the current qualification I have. So what more could I ask for? I readily agreed for the time set up for interview.

The next thing I know, I was employed. And so I woke up real early and got ready and as expected, got lost in Penang -.- So I was actually late on the first day of work FML. I parked my car right in front of the hotel gate but was told to go to the car park instead, which was situated behind the hotel, which meant I had to make another big round to get to the car park. So, yes I was EXTREMELY late for my first day of work. Bad impression :X

#Cute Stuff and People In the Hotel

I shall first introduce two important people (whom will appear later in many parts of my *ehem* so-called article, yes) in the hotel. And they’re my two colleagues at the front desk, who taught me most of the things as a new girl in the hotel, namely Sally and Annie. Sally’s a bachelorette, about 40 years old (not revealing her face and real name, so okay lah right? :X ) and a go-green enthusiast, and the most senior among us three, while Annie is a foreigner, from Papua New Guinea (how cool is that now I can officially declare I’ve got an Australian friend! (sort of) ), married to a local, and is widowed with an eight-year-old daughter, about 10 years older than I am.

Next up would be the group of housekeepers, of which we worked closely with, since it’s such a small hotel. We’ve got only four housekeepers in total, to clean up 46 rooms. And yet the rooms are always impeccably clean. I am particularly close to two most hardworking housekeepers (now don’t accuse me of forming cliques ah it just, well, came naturally that ¬†I’m in much better terms with them)

Okay I think I am revealing too much. Moving on to some cute stuff first.

These three ‘thumbdrive siblings’ which we named Sun Sun and Tua Pui. Yes, the one in the middle (the poor thing without arms) is Sun Sun, diet-ed version of the Michelins LOLOL. So together they make up (from left): Tua Pui Michelin 1, Sun Sun Michelin and Tua Pui Michelin 2 LOLOL. (By the way ‘sun’ in Hokkien means thin. And ‘tua pui’ means fat, if you didn’t already know). And oh actually they were three happy tua pui(s). Until my cruel boss chopped of the now Sun Sun’s arms, much thanks to Sally. She claimed that tua pui cannot enter the laptop plug-in because the big fat body was blocking something so ended up…. yeah. CHOP CHOP and poor tua pui got his diet and became Sun Sun. D: Then after that only she realized she put Sun Sun in the wrong plug in. DDD: poor innocent Sun Sun!

This toaster-like portable photo printer. Very fun to play with one I swear! I’m still amazed till this very day! I love seeing the photos being developed.

#Memorable Moments

Took a photo with the tallest man I’d ever seen in my entire life (yes I’m short, that’s one thing, but hello look closely. He’s taller than the door alright. I know ‘taller than the door’ doesn’t sound right but you get what I mean.) And, first angmoh who put his hand on my shoulder! ūüėÄ (ok maybe he just treated me as his arm rest I know I’m being syiok sendiri here wtf). But that’s not the main thing yet. He’s actually a host on TV! Which means…. I actually took a photo with a celeb lah! ūüėÄ so awesome right!!! MINUS my face part lah FML. DON’T LAUGH! GRRRR! I could’ve just covered my face up but I showed the original one ok. DON’T LAUGH. DON’T LAUGH!!!!

Killed this big fat rat! (or is it a mouse no idea) No, I didn’t kill it lah the male waiter did. But WHOAAA never seen such a fat rat in my life! Almost the size of a kitten, even fatter than a famished cat I would say.

#Some Important (and not-so-important) Lessons I Learnt As A Hotelier 

Did you know what is pinang¬†called in English? Well, I didn’t too at first, sad to say although I’m a Penangite. All the while I call it “Pinang in Itallics lah a.k.a Pinang.” or, “Pinang in English? Penang lor.” LOL. I mean, who the hell cares what that red fruit is called in English. No one gives a shit.¬†But I never knew it has such a posh name. Guess what is it called? ARECA. I know right DAFUQ? But seriously. At least that’s what my colleague told me. Coz our hotel has a suite room called the Areca Suite. And she told me that she named it, because apparently we want couples who stay in that room feel like ‘bagai pinang dibelah dua’ (meaning match made in heaven in Malay in case you don’t already know but direct translation means like the areca split into half? UHMMMM did I just made it worse ok nvm.) And that’s like the most expensive one-and-only room at our hotel because it comes with a jacuzzi and personal computer and special treatment lah lol (example the bathroom is open air one :yougetwhatImean:) Wah I should totally ask my ex-boss for commission for promoting lolol (damn just remembered I cannot reveal the name of the hotel damn it promotion wasted). So that’s like one useless thing I learnt!

Also, I came to learn that understanding English and knowing how converse in this language was indeed, such a ‘luxury’. I was just so so grateful that I was being educated in English. All the while, I had taken for granted that ALL Caucasians (as in those who travelled all the way to Malaysia) understands English. But after working for five months, I was definitely proven WRONG. VERY wrong in fact. As hoteliers, we had often times encountered angmoh(s) who don’t speak a SINGLE word of English. And by that I mean, they just DO NOT get A SINGLE WORD we speak. And we had to use the sign language. It amuses me how they could actually get into this country, with their passports chopped, all in one-piece, and able to land here safely. Hence, one precious lesson I learnt is: BE EXTREMELY PATIENT. You know how people always say, “Customers are always right.”? Believe me, that phrase is NOT TRUE. I would rather put it this way, “Customers may not be right, but YOU, as a hotelier/ service personnel must NOT EVER provoke them, no matter how ridiculous they get, and no matter what fault they’re trying to find with us.” That was really one useful golden rule I used to keep my cool. I sometimes wonder if it is actually a good or bad thing. Coz without realizing, I was ‘trained’ to smile even when I am raging inside and could tear a tiger up apart. Smiling somehow became a reflex action, whenever I see people, the sides of my cheeks are always lifted up and I am expected to be showing my row of not-so-glistening teeth. It¬†¬†made me feel like I’m wearing a ‘mask’ sometimes.¬†But smiling is supposed to be a good thing, I guess? So, one valuable lesson learnt.

Another golden rule to survive in the office: You don’t have to be the smartest one, but get the job done. One way to avoid problems. And on why would I say this, refer below.

#Office Politics

Most of my friends whom I always share my ‘hotel tales’ thinks that I have such an ‘interesting life with so much drama’. Drama… tic indeed. Like those cliche lines that go, everything has got its ugly side. True enough. As much as I enjoy working in the hotel, I somehow just wasn’t prepared for the office politics. Before I started working, it had never crossed my mind that I would have to encounter such an issue. Because I have friendly colleagues and friendly bosses, so what could go wrong? And I am willing to learn, so I was soooo certain that mistakes could be forgiven. But I came to learn that it was not the case. About three weeks into working, trouble greeted me.

The story:

The hotel I was working in provides airport pickup, transportation, tours and etc. So, there was two Japanese ladies who understood little English. So how we communicated was by some really canggih hi-tech translator (obviously produced in Japan). Whenever they had questions, they just typed it in and we got the message in English. Now the problem was, Google translator sucks big time and when we wanted to reply them, we typed in English but it was translated into some shitty un-understandable Japanese. And they couldn’t let us type with their translator either because the keyboard was all in Japanese. And so, yes we resorted to some sign languages for certain questions and the rest they had to figure out themselves. Until, they came to ask for a transport to the airport, one day before they checked out. And so I told them I’d call the department in charge to enquire the availability first and have it arranged if it is available and confirm with them later in the evening. After the enquiry was made, I was told that it was available, but the two ladies have yet to confirm if they are willing to accept the charges which I quoted them earlier, which I assume they have yet to confirm the transport. So I waited for their return but they have yet to return by night time, even after my working hours ended. And unfortunately on that day, I FORGOT to leave a note to Sally to collect the money from them the next morning, should they want the transport.

The following day, Sally and Annie asked me if I have collected the money from the two of them. I said, NO. And Sally shrieked, “YOU’RE DEAD. They’re gone for hours already. Now, who is going to pay for their transport?” I was dumbfounded, seriously. Then silently I prayed, “God, they’re Japanese right. And Japs are the most honest and most civilized people in the world. Please please, let them have the conscience to pay to the driver because I already told them it would be charged. PLEASE.” Then before I could respond customers came streaming in… and the issue was forgotten somehow, until later in the evening, the driver (the one who drove the Jap ladies to the airport) came in. And I suddenly remembered about the whole thing, and anxiously asked the driver, “Uncle, did the two ladies pay you this morning? The two whom you fetched to the airport?” And I thank God for the answer I heard. He said, “Oh yes. I came to give you all the money.” And then I just jumped into joy and shouted, “OMG SALLY! THEY PAID!!! I LOVE JAPANESE!!!”

Guess what was their response?

“NOOOO UNCLE! Why did you tell her?!” And our poor driver was so confused. “Huh? Am I not supposed to tell her?” “Yes. We wanted to teach her a lesson!” Uncle shrugged and said, “Oh sorry. I didn’t know. You all didn’t tell me.”

My joy was of course, shortlived after I heard that. I thought that was MEAN. So, they were trying to make me feel bad and worried, ¬†and I thought of forking out the money from my own pocket should the ladies have not paid, since it was my fault. And I was thinking, what if the driver did not come that day? I would’ve been worried for days! And I would’ve paid for nothing!

But now looking back, I am glad. Glad that they were being mean. Glad that they taught me a lesson. Because afterall, NO ONE is obliged to be kind to newbies. And no one is obliged to FORGIVE the mistakes you have done. So in a way, after that incident, I was reminded to be more careful, especially while handling transportation. And I would be reminded for my whole life to be extremely cautious while handling matters involving work. At least when I step into the real corporate world after uni, I would be more prepared.

This isn’t the only story. There were a few times I screwed up some reservations, and I created quite some havoc and troubled Sally and Annie. And Sally is the type who takes things very hard. She doesn’t scold you, she’d just show you THE face and you know you’re done screwing things up again. And she’d totally just sort of like ‘boycott’ you by ignoring you and sort of like ‘neglect’ you. And it does not last for only a day. It may drag up to as long as three days. It’s just not a nice thing to greet you first thing every single day you come to work. It just makes me feel uneasy. And I was kinda like stressed. So dramatic -.- But later on I really tried my best to minimize my mistakes, and that made everyone’s lives easier. So, sort of the end of office politics.

#Hilarious Customers

Not too sure if this is supposed to be funny to you all, but I’ve seen numerous customers from a particular ‘H’ country wearing the batik dress (which we the locals wear as pyjamas) everywhere like a beach dress ¬†lol. If you don’t know which I’m talking about, here’s some reference:

Yes, THIS. Except that it’s sleeveless. Use your own imagination lol. I have no idea why, maybe it’s comfortable, and batik’s our ‘country’s signature’ LOLOL. So, I was thinking perhaps this H country citizens think it’s pretty and well, they trying to ‘localize’. And Annie and I always exchange glances whenever we spot someone wearing this out. And there was once, there were like a whole bunch of them who wore this out for the whole day, unbeknownst and totally not aware that locals wear it as pyjamas. And we just couldn’t bear to tell them the fact. I mean, why should we? Since they think it’s pretty and comfortable, let them be. Well, who knows. It could be the locals’ fault. Batik is such a pretty thing and we actually wore it to bed. We could be considered as ‘downgrading’ the beauty of batik right. But still! I cannot bear the sight. Too hilarious! (coz the neighbour opposite my house wears this for the whole day and my grandma and mum wears this to bed too so I’d be constantly reminded of that fact every time I look at the innocent faces of those customers). It’s like seeing an illegal immigrant at the market roads wearing a night gown as maternity wear (I see that almost every week bless their soul LOL). Ok I think I’m being really mean. Sorry, but HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!

And we had an old angmoh uncle (he looks like Dumbledore, REALLY ONE I NO CHEAT YOU. Except that he doesn’t have the crazy long white hair and long beard lol. But I remember he had a moustache!). So he came in, paid for a room and then told us he’d check-in later with his baggage, coz apparently he was “having some beer with a few friends down the street”. But he seemed to be like, 50% drunk already lah, so we were being so considerate *ehem* and advised him to leave his bags in the room first before heading out again for his beer. But he sort of like scoffed and said, “Ahhhh I can handle it!” So Annie and I was like, okayyyy. God bless you uncle don’t get drunk and lie down flat on the street we cannot carry you back here.¬†AND THEN. FIVE minutes later he stumbled in, a backpack on one hand (don’t ask me¬†why he didn’t carry it on his back instead #iosodunnowhy), an almost-ripped off plastic bag on the other, which, he stuffed his sneakers AND a freaking WATER BOTTLE together in it. DISGUSTING. But I bet he doesn’t need his water anyway, he has his beer. And also, a pair of long blue jeans which he ‘hanged’ on the other hand with the backpack (omg I didn’t know I have such fantastic memory this drunk Dumbledore must’ve really left a deep impression on me lol). Before we could offer him our help, he walked through the front door, tripped and half-fell and all his things went rolling on the floor. “I CAN HANDLE IT” indeed.¬†And so I picked the pair of jeans (it was Levis I remember!) and the plastic bag stuffed with the sneakers up (ewww). Then I showed him the way to his room and heard him slam the door behind me. Good, good night drunk uncle.

Annie and I continued gossiping until ten minutes later, old drunk Dumbledore-like uncle came down again. But he didn’t look THAT drunk anymore… at least that was what I thought until I realized what he was wearing. His short blue jeans just looked, weird…. cut…. and familiar. And then I saw the logo behind. And then it striked me.

UNCLE CUT HIS PAIR OF LONG LEVIS JEANS! OMG MR BEANNNNNN!!! 

And he was wearing his pair of Crocs rubber sandals (the one with the slingback), with long Oxford socks.

Uncle, you must be really drunk.

Talking about Mr Bean, we had another man from this J country (cannot reveal lah in case I offend anyone but it isn’t even one BIT difficult to guess please). I can even remember the full name but let’s call him Mr Samurai (because his names reminds me of samurai wtf). So this Mr Samurai very weird one. He was always looking so anxious and perspiring non-stop. On the first day of his stay he asked us, “Do you have a bus stub?” And we told him, “Oh bus stop right across the street. See that sign? That’s the bus stop.” “No, no, BUS STUB. BUS STUB? Shower. Bus stub.” Oh dang he meant bath tub poor man.¬†“Sorry sir, the room type you reserved, no bath tub.” “Ahhhhh okay thank you.” Then he walked super fast back to his room. So, we called him The Lightning as well. Coz he walks super fast ALL THE TIME. One moment he’s there, and the other he’s gone. WHOOF! Like lightning. And then he was arguing with Sally about a particular building he was looking for and then Sally told him it was right behind and he kept insisting it was not. Hello ah Sally lived in Penang for 40 years already ah -.-¬†At last Sally gave up and decided to go right out to the street and show it to him. And before she could reach the front door, Mr Samurai was already HALFWAY across the street. He was just WALKING, not even jogging. Sally had to RUNNNNNN after him like a madwoman. Then all the #kaypochee motorists were like staring at them both. Then after that he realized that Sally was right, so he just went, “Okay.” and POOF! Gone again. LOL. Some sort of ninja he must be.

Then later that night (told by the night shift guy), he came out from his room at about 3am, drenched in sweat, like really soaking wet, and shouted, “I WANT TO GO AIRPORT, NOWWW!” The night shift colleague was shocked, but still called for a taxi anyway and then he left and we never saw him again LOL. But up till this day we call him Mr Bean of the East. Coz where got people so funny and weird one!

Also, it surprises me how most foreigners think that ‘selamat datang means ‘thank you’. It happened more than once for the record. Most of the time, after I help them with something they’d go, “Selamat Datang!” And since I’m a normal human, my first reaction would be to giggle (what to do cannot laugh at customers later they say me is rude and bad staff ūüė¶ ) although I know they actually meant to say ‘terima kasih’. But then you know, they were like so¬†enthusiastic¬†I couldn’t make up my mind to tell them they got the words mixed up or just resort to replying them “You’re welcome.” But then at last I still explained that ‘selamat datang’ meant ‘welcome’, and that one particular angmoh thought that it meant, welcome as in, ‘you’re welcome’. So he made me say “terima kasih”¬†¬†he told me “Selamat Datang!!” LOLOLOLOLOL. And another lady was so surprised that ‘terima kasih’ meant ‘thank you’ and she was half-shouting “OH ISN’T THAT THE SAME WITH INDONESIAN?” yeah they get amused by the smallest things.

And this story, which I bet most of my Facebook stalkers have known:

*male angmoh customer asked to borrow phone*
him: hey dude. so did you find Amanda? oh you found her?! GREAT! lock her up!! don’t ever let her get out til i’m back. she’ll get it when i’m home. i’ll let her know. that stupid f*cking bitch. wasted so much money on her and then she runs away. damn bitch! make sure you get hold of her! LOCK HER UP OKAY?!
us: *whispers* walao wtf he abusing his girlfriend ah? need to call police or not?
*resumes*
him: feed her with those rubbish you hear me? let her get the taste of it. she’s not getting the good food anymore that ungrateful bitch. remember to lock her up and don’t let her find ANY way out!
me: *tries VERY HARD to maintain poker face* *remain ‘deaf’* *whispers again* wah maybe need to call some women organisation leh you hear or not what he say?
colleague: yalah crazy guy ah no shame ah.
*hung up 2 minutes later*
him: hey girls. i’m sorry for being rude. it’s my Siberian Husky. damn bitch. i put her at my friend’s and she ran out of her kennel and now my dumb neighbours are feeding her with tomyam and all those rubbish. and then she’ll eat it and get sick and i have to waste my money bringing her to the vet. i get her good dog food but she doesn’t eat it. she ate those tomyam and got so sick. stupid. ahhh sorry for bothering. thanks!
us: *face palm*

Recycled story so lazy to re-type lah just copy pasted. Heeh. But seriously lor. WHO THE HELL NAMES THEIR BITCH DOG AMANDA?!

And now, the name list for the funniest names I’d ever encountered (all names are altered to protect privacy in case someone sues me *touches the entire oak tree long long*):

#1 Mr Pentti Gallagher ¬† ¬†Did I just read pan….t… y ok nvm.

#2 Mr Wise Ng    OHAI Mr Wise. Could you advise me on some matters? Coz I happen to be a noob.

#3 Mr Paul Kitchenham ¬† ¬†Yay we’ll never run our of ham again! But I prefer bacon :/

#4 Ms Mini Driver ¬† Damn cheat one, she ain’t mini, she’s about 6”2 tall :XX¬†

#5 Mr Jimmy Husband ¬† We purposely called for his wife numerous times, because she is…. Mrs Husband. Yes being naughty lah :guiltyface:

Seriously I’m praying hard no one’s gonna sue me. :X

Next story would be about… uhmmm… fascinations with lizards. Not me of course. While seeing lizards had been a norm over here in every household, foreigners seemed to be REALLY, REALLY fascinated whenever they see lizards. Seen a number of them taking pictures of what I initially thought were pictures of the old walls, until one customer asked me, “Wow there’re really lots and lots of lizards here! Aren’t you scared?” I told her no because it really is very very common to see lizards in Malaysia and she was so…. impressed I would say. LOL. It’s like they only get to see lizards in zoos (do zoos even have lizards? :O ) Snap sooo many pictures like the lizards were some extinct species. It’s just so… weird LOL.

#My First World Problems

#1 People seemed to have problems with their tongues because they cannot pronounce my name. Or perhaps they just needed a rake to dig their ears. A usual scenario (on the phone especially) would be:

customer: so may i know who am i speaking to?
me: Ivy.
customer: ah… myvi is it.
me: *face palm* nono. I-V-Y. AI-VEE.
customer: ahhhh IVY! poison ivy! *laughs like a lunatic*
and this was the story of how i became a car and eventually some character in batman.

Also recycled story from Facebook wtf. #lazybum. Anyway back to question, WHY IS IT SOOOO DIFFICULT FOR HUMANS TO PRONOUNCE MY NAME?! Another despicable one would be IVIN. -.- The next person who calls me that, no sorry, but I WILL ignore you.

#2 Having to speak ‘different English’ with the customers.

I think I read somewhere in the newspapers, saying, America and Britain are two countries separated by the same language. I cannot agree more.

Now previously I just thought I needed to speak much more precisely and pronounce my words much accurately than the usual Manglish we use when I communicate with the customers. But somehow or rather, whenever an angmoh approach me for a favour or a question, the ‘angmoh slang’ just slipped out from my mouth. And eventually it got better. Even a few of the Caucasians asked me, “Where did you get your accent from? You speak real good English.” (And I always lie saying I watch a lot of American movies and dramas, which is untrue. Coz I always watch all those TVB and Chinese dramas only lolol. Uncle mah what to do ūüėõ ). Because I also have no idea why. A true answer would be, “It comes naturally.” But I was very happy lah. Coz I can actually speak American English with their accent for some unknown reason. Don’t say I’m trying to act angmoh or I despise my own race. I just take it as a blessing. AND THEN RIGHT. My first world problem came. And I was the one who think too much to cause that problem one. Serve me right.

The story was, we usually have to show the customers to their rooms, explain the amenities to them and stuff. And one of it was the location of the water heater switch. And, most (not all) Americans do not pronounce their T (does not apply to all but most of the words). And water is one of them. So it’s the norm for them to say, WA-DHER HEE-DER instead of our usual British English, WA-TER HEE-TER. #EnglishNazi wtf. So I was so used to saying wa-dher hee-der lah, because most of the other countries use American English. Then one day, I forgot that one couple was British, so I went, the WA-DHER HEE-DHER’s switch is over there. And they were like, “Excuse me?” “Uhmmmm WA-DHER HEE-DHER switch. The one there. Red button.” But their faces were like confused more than ever. Then I went, “For your shower, if you want a hot shower, press that switch.” “AHHH!!! WATER HEATER! All right. Thanks!”

Perhaps they just didn’t hear me clearly, but then after that I got really conscious of the English I use. I know right, Making a mountain out of a molehill. ENGLISH NAZI. SERVES YOU RIGHT.¬†I don’t think Caucasians really care about this, do they? Only I take this too seriously and made it a big deal. Coz I’m really afraid I’d offend people, what more, they’re the hotel’s guests. :X

#3 Almost EVERYONE in the hotel thought that I was a Filipino (let me make this clear first, this has got NOTHING to do with racism and nationality-cism nor anything to do with hate and whatever shit to create havoc and all. I have NOTHING against Filipino so you don’t simply simply think wtf. Just merely stating what happened ok. #paranoid)

Somehow or rather, all the sales representatives who came to issue receipts etc all spoke English to me, even though it is VERY BROKEN English. One of them even attempted Malay -.- Then I knew something was not right. They all can freaking speak Hokkien to Sally, so I wondered why didn’t they spoke to me? I mean, to an extend where they spoke Malay? I must look freaking un-Chinese (AGAIN, please DO NOT link anything regarding racism here that’s NOT my point). So one day I took the initiative to speak in Hokkien with one of those people who speaks broken English to me (cannot tahan already lolol) and they appeared to be super surprised. “Oh, you’re Chinese ah?! OMG I thought you were a Filipino.”

This was exactly my expression. Then I thought maybe it’s just the problem with that sales person. Until one day (again lol), I was in the kitchen taking my dinner and overheard the chef saying something funny (in Hokkien) and I laughed as well. Then all of them suddenly stopped talking and turned around and asked me, “WOW. You can understand Hokkien? Who taught you?” Then, still unbeknownst what was happening, I merely replied, “My parents? I’m Penang Chinese of course I know Hokkien ma!” And it was the same expression the sales person showed me. Then the chef said, “OMG really ah. Known you for two months and I thought you’re a foreigner.” Dare to admit wtf¬† But I acted cool (but inside of me was like raging already)¬†and answered, “Yeah I know. They told me I look like a Filipino.” And the chef said it damn excitedly like I just Bingo-ed what he was thinking. “YAYA! You do!” Really *facepalm* ūüė¶

And just when I thought some people just DO NOT how to differentiate races (it’s all right I’ll take it as you people are anti-racism) came a group of Filipinos in our hotel. Then there was a group of them who were very friendly lah, always smiling at me so I smiled back. Then after a few times passing the reception they finally asked, “Can I take a picture with you?” I was like… “Ahhhh sure. ūüôā ” *shamelessly excited inside coz felt like some celeb ūüėÄ * Then after one, came¬†another¬†one (who didn’t even ask me! Oklah oklah I should stop acting like I’m some kickass celeb people wanna take picture with you complain so much summore hor). So after everything was over, they were all looking through the pictures, and one of them exclaimed very excitedly (in silent mode but I eavesdropped haha), “She looks like Kim Chiu right?!” Only then I realized they were so excited to take photos with me coz they think I look like one of the Filipino actress. Damn happy for nothing people took photo with you because you look like someone else TT Ahhh wait this one another story. I know who Kim Chiu was because previously there’s already one lady (Filipino also) telling me I looked like her. And she INSISTED I stare into the computer screen which she Google searched Kim Chiu for me. But she seriously don’t look like me wtf. Ok or I don’t look like her. Either way. Still. Don’t believe scroll down for comparison:

KIM CHIU.

ME.

To make it fair, the extremely kind me decided¬†to look through my old photos for my pre-dyed and pre-cut fringe hair. In pony tail summore ok! (and OMG I realized it’s the same angle!) And I made the size of both pictures almost the same HEEH.

Ok now tell me. WHERE GOT LOOK ALIKE?

Ok lor if you say look alike I take lah. Can shamelessly bask in fake glory. ūüėÄ But…. why didn’t you tell me I look like Zhang Ziyi or Lin Chi-ling? (LOL I don’t even fancy any of them but I know I cannot look like Russian Red coz she is angmoh wtf)

Ahhhh ok so let’s get back to the main story. So, basically right, so many people tell me I look like Filipino and very un-local, meaning, I REALLY don’t look Chinese-y at all lah. Then Sally suggested me to go travel to¬†Philippines¬†one day lolol. She said who knows halfway you eating in some stalls people think you’re Kim Chiu then straightaway treat you. Thinking wayyyy to far lol.

#4 I had to clean a lady’s freaking PERIOD.

Now I know how the cleaners and housekeepers feel whenever some useless irresponsible bastard throws their used sanitary pads on the floor and everywhere but not the sanitary bin (this reminds me of secondary school where this was such a big issue). Okay this is totally unrelated with pads, but I was made to clean the bed stained with the lady’s period and change the sheets. At first we did not suspect anything amiss, because she just told us the bed’s stained and she wants the sheets changed. I felt weird though, because I was very certain that the sheets were clean. And during that time all the housekeepers had all gone home because it was already late evening. I informed her about it and asked if she could wait till the next morning. But she sounded desperate, and told us she left a RM10 note (which is like less than $5 in her country -.- now don’t say I’m being ungrateful yada yada but hey you’re asking people to clean up YOUR PERIOD at least have the heart to give more, since your country’s exchange rate is so FREAKING HIGH if converted to Malaysian Ringgit. Not that you’ll feel the pinch) for whoever that will be changing the sheets for her. That raised my¬†suspicion¬†that something was not right. I mean, who in the world would be so kind to offer you a tip to clean up the dirt IF it was the hotel’s fault in the first place? And my suspicion was proved right after I reached the room. Then I had to page Annie to change it with me because I simply cannot carry the whole King size bed myself and also to CLEAN the MATTRESS in case the stains remain there. FOL. Then the money we had to divide into two summore. Means that lady only paid us like $2.50 per person. SO UNFAIR. We’re not even part of housekeeping! But okay for the sake of the hotel I’ll still do it no matter what. It’s just that, HEY WOMAN, NEXT TIME HAVE THE CONSCIENCE TO AT LEAST ADMIT WHAT YOU DID AND APOLOGIZE. What. Customers means cannot apologize ah? You’re still at fault! At least it makes us feel better even though we had to clean your blood!

#5 Horny voyeur men with prostitute issues

Now every Malaysian should know that prostitution is illegal, no matter under what circumstances. Sad fact is, some foreigners who ‘needs it’ couldn’t be bothered. One scenario with one of the most thick-skinned ones I’ve ever net:

Him: Oh hi. Uhm. May I ask you a question? How do I get around this place? Can I rent a bike?

Me: Yes sure. You may.

Him: But I don’t have a license. Can I still ride the bike?

Me: I’m sorry. Then no. We have laws here.

Him: But in T country they allow it!

Me: Yes I know. But sir you’re in MALAYSIA sir.

Him: Ahhhh no. You guys are not flexible at all!! This is so different from where I came from! DAFUQ FLEXIBLE? What if you rammed into someone and that person dies? Can we be flexible with murder wtf

Me: Uhm yes. But I’m sorry. Anything else I can help you?

Him: Yes yes. Do you know where I can get some chicks? So straightforward without shame wtf. And it was only 2pm in the afternoon already so horny wtf.

Me: Uhmmm yes but you’re NOT allowed to bring in prostitutes to the hotel.

Him: WHY NOT?! That room I stayed in was meant for two!

Me: Yes sir but one thing. The price you paid was special price because you came with a tour. If you were to put in an extra person you will be charged. That’s one thing. Another thing is, prostitution is illegal here. Best is you DON’T bring one in here.

Him: OH NO! Everything is illegal here? Even f*cking chicks?!¬†GOD HELP ME SAVE THE HORNY MEN’S SOULS

Then after that he still insisted I tell him the location of the bars (at 2pm in the afternoon let me repeat as if the bars were opened -.-) so I did and then he didn’t bother to come and disturb us already.¬†Too busy f*cking chicks most probably.

#6 Irresponsible parents who couldn’t be bothered about their children

Parents like these make my blood boil. If you just cannot be bothered to care for your child, then why do you have sex and give birth to them then? If you’re lazy to take care of a child for the rest of your life, why were you lazy to an extend where you couldn’t even slip on a condom before you do it? Why can’t you be ‘hardworking’ for like what? 5 minutes to slip on the condom? Or just simply go for a ligation or vasectomy if you say you didn’t want kids. Since you chose to give birth to the child, TAKE CARE OF THEM!

There is one particular case which I’ll remember for as long as I’m alive (and do not suffer from Alzheimer’s). A couple came in with their baby (only a few months old) and their child who was 3 years old (told by the father) at night, looking for a room to stay. First thing I noticed was, the boy was only wearing a diaper and a very dirty T-shirt. Also noticed the parents were rather… untidy and I thought they must not have ¬†bathed for a few days because we all realized an odour. While they were busy asking questions I already noticed the three-year old running all about to the back part where we had a fountain with koi fishes inside. Anyway I just thought he was interested in looking at the fishes so I let him be. Minutes later, he ran all the way to the reception and fell. Of course he cried but the parents DID NOT EVEN LOOK UP. I was really shocked to see such parents. Just as I was about to help the boy up, he got up on his own (still crying) and ran back to the fountain again and I realized the floor was all wet so I suspected he must’ve dipped his feet into the fountain. So I followed him but alas, he wasn’t even trying to dip his feet in it, he walked way down into the water and I had to stop him before he falls into the fountain and drowns himself. And he cried because he wanted to play in the water so badly (which was pretty dirty, like those water in aquariums) but I insisted saying NO. The parents finished checking in by that time and passed by the fountain on their way to the room and so little boy stopped crying upon seeing them and just tailed behind. And I thought that was bad enough.

Until the next morning, I came to work and realized the boy was standing at the fountain again. And his pants was…. DOWN. And his hands were holding his ‘little bro’, AIMING at the fishes in the fountain. Obviously, he wanted to PEE inside the fountain so I ran all the way to the reception so that Annie could help me. Annie then carried him away and again, he cried. His parents were nowhere to be seen. At least Annie went to look for them so the father could bring the little boy to the gents. But when he saw his son, he simply carried him outside the hotel, put him on the divider (where there are trees planted there) and made him pee there while the rest of the world looked on. I was just so dumbfounded. Why couldn’t the father simply bring the son to the gents when it was just 3 metres away? And they just went off after that.

I ranted out my frustrations and was even more pissed upon hearing what Annie told me. Earlier that morning, the family was all having breakfast and the mother was breastfeeding the baby while the father was too busy eating. Little boy just ran towards the busy street outside the hotel. It was just that ONE MISS and little boy would already be hit down. And the parents were not even aware that that incident even happened. Then after breakfast he got into the fountain again and attempted to catch the koi fishes. Another customer who was not even related to little boy had to get into the fountain as well, to get the boy out. Even HE demanded to know where the parents of the little boy were.

WHY DO SUCH PARENTS EVEN EXIST?! SERIOUSLY. Humans like these piss me off so damn much.

#7 I packed someone’s urine, subconsciously.

Because that man peed into a bottle. ūüė¶ He didn’t mean to, but he HAD to. Story was, he came to apply for a visa to get to Thailand. When he came he was already limping. He told us he twisted his back and it hurts a little. And he was given a room UPSTAIRS (our hotel does not have a lift) and he had to climb all the way up. Then on the third day, he called us from the room saying he needed to extend his stay and after he hung up, we did not see him coming out at all the entire day. His newspaper was left hanging outside the door as well, and no one saw him come out to have his meal. Nothing. Then we got worried (afraid that he’s dead, seriously) so the night shift colleague decided to give him a call. It rang for very very long, before he picked up the phone. He said he was all right, but still worried, the colleague knocked on his door and realized how serious the man’s condition has gotten. He could not even budge an inch because it hurts so much, to even get up and unlock his room door. The next day, we got another male colleague to help the man get out of his room and send him to the hospital. So two men literally ‘carried’ him, and he was sent to the hospital. Then he came back in the evening and we shifted him to a room downstairs, ordered him room service and we thought everything would be all right. He told us he might not be able to go home anymore as he will have to undergo a surgery as he had injured his spine. We really¬†sympathized¬†him, but there’s nothing much we could do. The following day, he was off to the hospital again for a check-up, but he never came back. Later in the evening, a taxi driver came and told us to pack all his things in the room and that man will return to get them when he’s discharged. So we did. And I had to be the ‘observer’ while the housekeepers packed, but I thought many hands make lighter work so I helped to pack as well. And I remembered packing a particular water bottle with some yellow liquid inside. And I thought it was chrysanthemum tea wtf. Then everything was done and the matter was over after a few days, until the boss started to detect a foul smell coming out from the place where we stored the man’s bag. So we traced the source and found out the bottle actually contained his urine because he couldn’t get up from bed to go to the toilet wtf. CHRYSANTHEMUM TEA, MY FOOT. So that was the story how I packed people’s urine ūüė¶

#8 Customers who think too highly of themselves

Now THIS is definitely be my ultimate #1 first world problem. Before I start ranting there’s one story first #taleception The hotel I worked in has guests coming in from Thailand ¬†twice weekly, all in tour group vans to apply visas to enter the country. And most of them are, ¬†needless to say, not Thai citizens. And we have particularly the most people from country A & country R (cannot reveal because I’m gonna say negative stuff but not hard to guess eh?)¬†applying for them, and, country A is well known because the people there are all civilized, high tech, always a step ahead of others (not really already lah now) and the country’s modern and produces lots of good movies lah. Ok too much information. You get the hint. So naturally, when they come over to second-world countries like ours (or is it third? I think it’s second ok nvm) they tend to look down on people here. But what pisses me off is, since you’re THAT smart, THAT good, THAT civilized, why didn’t you stay in your own country? Why come to people’s country, then critisize it for not being good enough? I’m personally not a really patriotic kind of person, but please, I do know what it means by RESPECT. RESPECT people, and people will respect you in return. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for the people from country A & R. I wouldn’t say ALL of them were like that (at least that ALL comprises of those who stayed in the hotel where I worked only), but MOST of them ARE like that.

Now, the main story. These people, particularly those from country A & R, always, ALWAYS creates trouble for us. We know very well we as hoteliers were expected to help them in any way, but sometimes they tend to go overboard. They complain and complain. For a while, the shower heater is not working and they INSIST they have switched on the switch for the heater, and they just HAD to come and approach you when you’re busiest, and again, INSIST you fix the problem RIGHT NOW. And if you don’t, they shall stand there and bug you to change their rooms for them. With a bigger bed (when their bed in the room is already a King size, so what do I give them? A double King size? If it even exist -.-), with a bigger TV (we should resort to building rooms with double King sized bed in cinemas), with a cooler air-cond unit (when every air-cond unit’s minimum temperature is the same, and hell, some of them do not even come from cold countries, but a country HOTTER than Malaysia. Aren’t they supposed to be more heat-resistant than us?) . The next thing you know, as expected, they DID NOT switch on the mentioned switch. Say what?

Then they would SMOKE in the room when we’ve already reminded them over and over again that their rooms are non-smoking. Leaving a pungent smokey smell in the room is not the worst part, yet. The next thing you realize, they were done burning your sheets by poking the cigarette butts through because there is simply no ash tray provided, of course, because it’s a non-smoking room. And of course, when you demand for compensation, they’d say they were not the ones who did that. Yes, the housekeepers are blind enough to miss that many little holes caused by the previous customer while washing the sheets as you claimed you’re so lazy to even¬†make up a better excuse.¬†And perhaps ladies are easier to bully, so they’d resort to violence if you insist for them to take responsibility on what they have done (a few fights happened before that’s what I can reveal, true story).

And most of the time, people from country R do not speak a SINGLE word of English. That’s all right. They say, language is not a barrier in communications nowadays. Fine. We have Google Translate. So we took the effort to type every single thing on the¬†translator, hoping we’d guessed their questions correctly, and given them the answers they needed. But come the problem. They CANNOT type what they wanna ask when we guessed it wrongly. So it’s usually a mess. And then they get frustrated and grumpy. Then comes the part that makes me pull my hair all the time (no wonder I’m getting balder nowadays) … they start speaking in Thai to us. AS IF WE COULD UNDERSTAND. And they NEVER EVER get what “Sir/Madam, we do NOT speak/ understand Thai.” means. NEVER.¬†This is¬†seriously¬†the MOST MOST MOST WTF case that I ABOSULTELY HATE HATE HATE and it made me go ABSOLUTELY IMPATIENT and frustrated. ¬†They’d go on and on and on even if we told them we DO NOT speak Thai in Malaysia. And the worst scenario we’ve ever encountered was, that lady could not even READ her own language :OO and she cannot speak even one little bit of English. Like, the usual “bus”, “beach”, “eat”. She kept on muttering stuff in Thai and was hoping a miracle would happen that we all can understand that language in 5 minutes. *kills self*

And trust me, these people, they have the DUMBEST questions. EVER. Ok this does not apply to humans from country A & R only. Usually Sally would inform them about dinner time, breakfast time and such. And one particular convo (actually there’s more than one, just to cut a long story short) of Sally with the ‘Smartest Man In The World’ (let’s just call him SMITW) went like this:

Sally: Sir, dinner time is 7.30 Malaysia time, 6.30 Thai time sir.

SMITW: Malaysia time? What Malaysia time?

Sally: Malaysia time, SEVEN THIRTY, Thai time, SIX THIRTY, Sir.

SMITW: WHAT?! MALAYSIA? WHAT MALAYSIA?

Sally: Sir, you’re now in Malaysia if you’re not aware. You crossed the Thai border more than three hours ago, sir.

SMITW: OH WOW!!! REALLY?!! No wonder you people speak such good English!!!

OH NO YOU’RE NOT IN MALAYSIA. YOU’RE IN SOUTH AFRICA AND WE PLAN TO CUT OFF YOUR KIDNEYS TO BE SOLD SOON WTF

Sally: So yes sir. Please adjust your watch or come back at 6.30 according to your watch.

SMITW: OKAY! *does the Thai greeting gesture* KOP KHUN KA!!! DIDN’T WE JUST TOLD YOU YOU’RE IN MALAYSIA?¬†*smacks head*¬†

Sally: Sir, in Malaysia we say “terima kasih”. But in fact we just say thank you.

SMITW: AHHHHHH it’s the same!

Sally *argumentative mode ON*: NO. It’s NOT the same sir.

SMITW: AHHHHH WHATEVER. You Asians are all the same anyway!!! Ok bye! *mutters under his breath* DUMB.¬†OH YEAH SO YOU’RE SAYING FRENCH AND ITALIANS ARE THE SAME TOO?¬†

So that’s how SMART these people can be, and they still think they’re the smart one and we’re the dumbos. Fact is, YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW YOU CROSSED THE BORDER AND GOT INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY. -.- even if someone sent them over to India also they’d still be oblivious wtf. Until they find an incision right on their waistline above their buttocks and their kidney’s gone. Gosh I should really stop my kidney jokes. :/

#8 Lawless drivers on the road

This is something unrelated to the hotel, nevertheless I still need to rant my frustrations out. Going over to the island side made my blood boil EVERY SINGLE DAY. I cannot express how much I LOATHE LOATHE LOATHEEEEEEEEEEEEE road hoggers and road bullies! I HATE SELFISH DRIVERS AND MOTORISTS. You don’t wanna move faster, yet you do not have the conscience to move to the left. ¬†You don’t allow people to overtake you and¬†you wanna be in the middle of the road. Not everyone has all the time in the world like you! WHY MUST YOU BE SO SELFISH?!!! And why do female drivers keep getting bullied? We’re not weak souls!! And an ULTIMATE EGO-EST MALE HAJI¬†yes, read that, HAJI came down and KICKED my car because I overtook him because he was hogging the road. WHAT LOGIC IS THIS? And SHAME ON YOU!!!! Too bad I couldn’t react in time or else I’d make you famous in Malaysia!!! You’re a FREAKING RELIGIOUS MAN, and you KICKED my car in broad daylight?! What kind of a man are you?! And yes I remember your car number plate, and that voyeur disgusting look of yours. Remember to watch out because I believe KARMA will get to you.

And to all the motorists PLEASE ride your bikes on the sides of the road, and do not take for granted everyone can see you. The road does not belong to you, your father or your great grandfather. I absolutely DO NOT understand why motorists LOVEEEE to ride their bikes in the middle of the road, thinking that they’re riding VERY FAST, but as a matter of fact, the whole road was jammed up because of these selfish people. And I do not dare to honk because I’m afraid (even now) that the motorist would swerve and then an accident would occur. I tried to be sensible, but it doesn’t seem to me that anyone appreciates that. So yes. End of my rant. ROAD USERS PLEASE BE MORE SENSIBLE NEXT TIME.

#Le Awkward Moments

# 1 When I opened the customer’s room door while they were NAKED. TWICE. TT

Now before you scream “YOU PERV!!” let me explain first! And I have to make it clear that both times were UNINTENTIONAL ok of course it’s unintentional what are you thinking huh.¬†First time was because an angmoh lady just spontaneously pay for the Areca Suite for the jacuzzi inside. And since it’s a suite, naturally the room has got all the ‘special treatments’ lah. But usually the suite is reserved beforehand so we’d have time to put in all the special stuff like wine, fruits, bubble bath foam etc. Since this lady went into the room straightaway, I had to send those stuff to her (ordered by Sally and Annie coz they didn’t wanna walk so far wtf). So my hands were like full with stuff and I knocked the door then I heard her saying “Come in!” so I barged straight in without a second thought. And saw her right in the jacuzzi (it is an open bathroom concept like I mentioned earlier) NAKED. And that’s not the main point. She TURNED to face me so I saw her tits wtf wtf¬† whyyyy¬†I felt super embarrassed can! Funny, not that *I* am naked -.-¬†And yet this lady was like super cool. Just told me to leave the things and thanked me and told me to close the door behind me wtf. Imagine it was a male staff?! Luckily I didn’t grow carrots on my eyes after that.

And second time, I don’t know why I always have shit luck. A customer asked to have a look at an empty room so Sally told me to show them the way. And we have two rooms for that particular room type and one of them was occupied. But I FORGOT about it. And happens so the housekeepers had just finished cleaning the unoccupied ¬†room, so the key was left inside to air the room, which means the door’s unlocked. And I mistakenly just opened the door of the occupied room and then I heard the male scream “AHHHHH!” soooo loud as if I was gonna rape him. And first thing that ran through my mind was, SHIT IVY TAN. You’re done screwing yourself up again. But luckily the latch was on so what I saw was just from the little space between the door. The male customer wrapped himself up in a towel and then straightaway went to lock the door wtf. Poor man TT EMBARRASSING… AGAIN. Later I also forgot how many times I apologized and Sally and Annie still had the heart to laugh at me. FML.

#2 When I ‘disturbed’ a couple who were kissing while checking in.

Now I don’t really know if I was considered rude, but it was awkward definitely. What happened was, the couple walked in, and the guy just gave me his passport for check-in. Then I was totally concentrating in writing down the particulars so I didn’t realize what was going on. Then after I was done, I just said “Sir, you can have your passport back.” without looking up first. Then I waited for him to take it back from me but after a while I did not get any response so I dodged my head up after completing the particulars and there they were, french kissing. And I was like…

I mean, SERIOUSLY CAN’T YOU WAIT TILL YOU GET INTO THE ROOM TO COMPLETE YOUR ‘BUSINESS’? Made me damn awkward only. ūüė¶

#3 When housekeepers shove unused condoms into my hands

EHEM. Should’ve guessed it right. Hotel ma, what to expect. Every now and then, we have… ermmm… horny men who ‘needs’ it lah. And usually these people are on a honeymoon lah. So… :yougetwhatimean: Naturally after they checked out we find plenty of them, used and unused ones. And for the record, the housekeepers found SIX of them. Unused ones I mean stop getting excited for no reason. Under the pillows (no wonder they forgot lah). But WALAO EH. SIX?! For a two-night stay? What was their initial plan makes me wonder.

#4 When we hear moans and groans coming from…. well, couples.

Almost forgotten about this but #3 reminded me. Since we have honeymooners all the time, it is the norm also to have sounds coming out from the rooms (the rooms are pretty sound proof but some couples are just THAT extreme *cough*). Sounds like… moans…. and ….groans that is. And this is one particular story I must share. One afternoon, a middle aged man (in his early 50s I suppose) walked in. Then he asked for the room rates and exclaimed, “Wah, why so expensive? You don’t have rooms that you charge according to hours ah?” And according to our experience as hoteliers *coughs*, men who asks THIS question only had ONE intention. And it is none other than to DO IT. So naturally the usual thing that pops into our minds would be,¬†Uncle, you wanna do it then pay for it. Stop being such a hamsup miser -.-¬†So, our usual reply would be, “I’m sorry sir we don’t. All our rooms are charged according to a stay per night.” Then this old hamsup¬†miser was thinking for quite a while then he said, “Aiya, then… oklah.” Then while we were registering him, a lady walked in. Her dress was soooo short if she moved an inch we could see her buttocks. And ONE LOOK we all knew she’s definitely NOT that perv’s wife (we must’ve possessed some super powers to detect humans like these). She walked for a bit, then sat next to the man and went, “Honey…. everything done?” GODDAMNIT another one -.- After that she grabbed the newspapers and asked us if she could borrow. Annie and I exchanged glances and I was pretty sure we were thinking of the same thing.¬†Why the hell would you need newspapers for when you’re not gonna read it. To layer the bed with them is it -.-¬†TRUE ENOUGH, just about 5 minutes later one of the housekeepers came running down excitedly saying, “WAHHHHHH that was LOUD. AHHHHHHHH….” And we all laughed like lunatics. Then everything was quiet… until an hour later the duo came down and told me, “Hey miss I’m checking out. My office just called for a meeting all of a sudden.” Yo dude you don’t have to explain to me why you wanna check out and no I’m not that dumb to believe that your office calls for a meeting at 5.30pm in the evening. I know your mission’s accomplished so you wanna check-out.¬†So I poker faced and told the housekeepers to check the room if they have left anything behind. The man waited at the lobby but the lady went straight out. I wondered why but wasn’t bothered much. After complete checking and they went off, the housekeeper came down telling us. “Guess how many of them I found? TWO! One in the bin, one on the floor!! In one hour!! High performance!” Oh my how we laughed. Later on we also found out why the lady walked straight out instead of waiting together with the man at the lobby. The housekeeper told us she used to work in the man’s office as a cleaner lady. And that lady was his secretary, and as we guessed, was his mistress. She recognized the housekeeper but the man did not. So she felt embarrassed so she walked out. ¬†LOLOLOL. Dramatic much.

#5 When I see numerous ladies with long armpit hair who doesnt shave

If you’re about to accuse me of being a perv for staring at people’s underarms, let me make this loud and clear: I AM NOT A PERV. You know how sometimes you avoid looking at ‘unpleasant’ stuff but still end up seeing them because they’re too obvious? That’s exactly what I am trying to say. It’s seriously VERY VERY awkward to see a person’s bushy armpits, even men’s, so needless to say, it’s even more awkward when it comes to WOMEN. I mean, come on, which century are you in and which planet are you from? It’s freaking 21st century and we have products ranging from razor blades, electric shavers to shaving creams even. And if you’re too lazy to do it yourself we even have WAXING where you pay people to put you in pain. So I don’t get it. What’s with those long bushy hair sticking out from your underarms? It’s definitely UN-SEXY, if you think it is then stop thinking already and get a shaver ready. I’ve seen numerous customers (ladies that is) with really LONG, ¬†bushy armpit hair to an extend where I really couldn’t believe that armpit hair could grow THAT long wtf. And they actually wore tank tops most of the time (which is sleeveless duh) and it is VERY VERY DISTRACTING when they start pointing around while I explained the directions and routes on the map. Then sometimes it’s really freaking long that it’s…. funny. And I cannot laugh wtf. Later people think I’m crazy wtf. No idea why I have to encounter the ‘armpit hair problem’ all the time, since secondary school. My classmates should know what I mean. BROC…*coughs* CO… *coughs* LI…….

#Scariest Moment Alive

During one particular night. I was all alone at the front desk as Sally has gone home in the evening and Annie was on leave. I was coming out of the washroom, and a super creepy guy (you know, those with the tuk kambing beard with the perverted look) was walking right¬†past¬†me (almost tiptoe-ing), and he was snooping around at the back block in front of the garden¬†(where some rooms were located). Worst part, I did not even realise he was in the hotel premise. One thing for sure, he did not enter through the front door, explains why I didn’t realise, but I am pretty sure too he had been snooping around for some time already. And I called out to him, demanding to know the reason he was here (although it was pretty obvious, he was SPYING on our hotel, but for what reason I don’t know). So he turned around, playing with his beard (PERV GUY MOVE DETECTED!) and began to like, walk nearer to me (up till this day I cannot believe I didn’t budge an inch at that time wtf. Unbelievably brave, but STUPID -.- ). Then thank God one of the waiter (super big sized guy) passed by us and shouted at that pervertic-looking old guy. I think he was rather shocked, and so to get off the hook, that pervertic tuk janggut resorted to asking me about the room rates (but his eyes was still eyeing around the place, so creepy!), which he obviously was not interested in and then the waiter asked him to get out of the building. Thank God nothing happened to me. That has got to be the scariest thing I’d encountered, ever.

Abrupt end to my article.

***************************

WHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I finally finished this! Took me so long :/ It’s not even ALL the stories but I think you all will doze off if I were to write down every single detail. So touched I wanna cry now wtf. The word count is 11389 words right now wtf. So if you managed to read till this part, CONGRATULATIONS! Also, THANK YOU for reading (it’s like appreciating my effort and hard work to complete this post as a matter of fact I was just always distracted that’s why it took me so long wtf)! Too bad I don’t have the NILAM award for you here like school eh, but at least you made me happy by appreciating my effort. You’ll get good karma in return (by reading my blog LOL)! And lastly…. AGAIN, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY. I apologize again if I offended someone without realizing. AND… DON’T SUE ME LAH I’M VERY POOR ONLY AND NOW I RESIGNED ALREADY IF YOU SUE ME I HAVE TO PAY YOU WITH MY KIDNEYS. DAMN. The kidney thing is seriously getting on my nerves. Ok I think I typed too much my brains are not¬†functioning¬†well. Excuse me.

p/s: Saw a book entitled ‘Hotel Tales’ in Popular last weekend and Sharma told me “NAH! YOUR BOOK!” LOL. And it was one of the bestsellers, according to The Star.

p/p/s: Going to college in like 4 days yet I haven’t even started packing FML. Wish me luck.

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